The Power of Gratitude Vs. Need

August 4, 2008 at 8:00 pm 6 comments

I just received an email from a dear friend, entitled “A Heavy Heart.”  It has been a trying time for her family, without question.  Her sister-in-law has been plagued by cancer, on and off, for several years.  Her other brother and his wife recently had a beautiful baby girl, who was unfortunately born with two holes in her heart and a rare genetic disorder.  Her father, in addition to struggling with the health issues of his tiny granddaughter, lost a long-time friend to cancer this week, and is hurting terribly.  She herself just married a wonderful man this summer, and became the stepmother of his two equally wonderful kids.  While her husband has custody of the children, they spend several weeks each summer with their mom, who is not, suffice it to say, the role model for ideal parenting.  The elder daughter called home last night in hysterics, begging to come home, and my friend is at a loss for how to protect them from what she perceives as their mother’s negative influence.  All of this was poured into a concise, but heart-wrenching email sent to their close friends, asking for prayer in their time of struggle.

What do you say at a time like this?  What do you do?  The reaction of most people, regardless of religion or belief, is a wave of sadness, a longing to alleviate, and perhaps the commencement of a litany of prayers begging for the life of a baby, the healing of a man’s spirit, and the safety of the children’s emotional balance.  While the sentiment is noble, the tactic is wrong.

The universe is a mirror, and what you put out is what will be reflected back to you, precisely.  “But I’m putting out my desire to see my friend’s circumstances improve, so improved circumstances should be reflected back!”  Wrong.  For example, what is the precise mirror reflection of a bad hair day?  A bad hair day.  Thus, the precise reflection of a “desire for improvement,” is the desire for improvement.  That is to say, by focusing on the fact that you want different circumstances, you will continue to “want,” and therefore “not have.”  Furthermore, begging, or even asking, comes from a standpoint of fear and desperation.  You fear the situation will not improve, you fear the sense of powerlessness, and you are asking that something outside of yourself take responsibility for these things.  So what can you do to help?

First, take your focus off of the “problems.”  Stop looking at the current state of the baby’s health, stop lamenting the loss of the friend, stop being angry at the girls’ mom and shaking your head at the court system that demands her interaction.  To be clear, I don’t mean you shouldn’t sympathize; just don’t put your attention on these things.  Second, shift your emotions from fear and desperation, to love and gratitude.  Send your love to the amazing couple enduring such trials for a baby the doctors suggested they “let go.”  (Yes, seriously.)  Give thanks that her tiny sweetness and warmth were able touch so many, in such a short time, and that perhaps her strength will forestall a doctor’s death-sentence in the future.  Send love to the man who was there for his friend in every way he knew how to be.  Give thanks that his humor, his wisdom, and his love brighten the lives of those who know him, and that his joy of life will undoubtedly bring him through his sorrow.  Send your love to a couple raising their children in a home of love, protection and nurturing – these are gifts that many, many children never have the opportunity to possess.  Give thanks that the girls have an environment where they can grow from their difficult experiences, and that they may one day be an example to others.  Do these things with genuine joy, and envision the outcome of the scenarios as YOU perceive them.  See a lovely little girl laughing in the yard as she runs and plays with her parents – her infant suffering not even a shadow in her memory.  See a man with many years and many gifts left to give to those around him, which he could not have done had he let his suffering overtake him.  See two stable, well-balanced women who learned much from their mother (like the fact that love is love, even when not tempered by maturity and wisdom), and also from their father and stepmother (such as how to cope with unpleasant experiences, and what a loving home should feel like), and who now move through the world with purpose and excitement.

The third step is one that not everyone is willing to take, but that once accepted, is life transforming.  Step three is to take responsibility, and to forgive yourself.  We are all the co-creators of our realities, and our destinies.  As the creator of your reality, you have created everything – EVERYTHING – in your experience, and as such must take responsibility… for the good and the “bad.”  (No experience is really bad, it’s only a matter of perception – but that’s a different blog.)    As these circumstances present themselves, you must accept that something in you attracted them to your experience, forgive yourself and anyone involved, and let them go with gratitude for the lessons they imparted.  Because these things my friend has related are now a part of MY experience, I must accept responsibility for them also.  I have now related them to you.  You know what that means.

This is my way of “praying” for my friend, and I am so grateful for the opportunity to share my own lessons with you.  What are some things in your life you have been perceiving as negative?  How can you find a way to be grateful for those experiences?  I’d love to hear about it in your comments – you’ll be an inspiration to all of us!

All my love, Kristy

Entry filed under: Law of Attraction, Relationships. Tags: , , , , , .

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6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. PaintandSoul  |  August 15, 2008 at 2:03 am

    At the moment, I want to write a deeply heartfelt and inspired response to this. It’s not coming out in any verbal form though, the thoughts refuse to form coherent sentences. I’ll quickly say that I love this idea, and hope to come back here with coherence and eloquence in hand to respond properly some other time!!

  • 2. averagegoddess  |  August 15, 2008 at 12:32 pm

    Take your time Paint, I’m not going anywhere! 😉

  • 3. Meredith (LitC!)  |  August 15, 2008 at 7:50 pm

    I love this post, as I often find myself at a loss when others come to me with tragic or extremely stressful situations. I always come up short with what to say, and what to relate to them. I love the thought of using positive energy, instead of duplicating the negative energy.
    I love your thoughts . . . I’m really going to enjoy working my way through here. 🙂

  • 4. averagegoddess  |  August 16, 2008 at 12:38 am

    And actually, you just put your finger on the crux of the problem: energy always attracts like energy. Negativity begets negativity… so let’s try something else, shall we? Besides, if you look hard enough, there is something positive even in the most negative situation.

  • 5. Carolyn  |  August 30, 2008 at 4:48 pm

    Thank you for this post. I think what you are doing on this site is awesome, and I am proud of you. I definitely feel like I can learn from you. I agree with the idea that where our focus is there will our outcome lie (i.e. if we focus on the positive we will generate more positivity). I’m not sure if I agree with everything you said, like us creating our reality. I don’t think that anyone created my niece’s condition through their bad thoughts. I love you and I am proud of you.

  • 6. averagegoddess  |  August 31, 2008 at 1:02 am

    I’ve been deeply moved by both the situations your family has been facing, and by how you have banded together in love and support. The ideas I’m referring to can be admittedly complex, particularly when you are dealing with the question of why bad things happen to good people, or in the case of your darling little niece, perfectly innocent people. I definitely don’t mean to imply that anyone is directly responsible for what she’s experiencing, as I think I may have been interpreted. Another facet of this idea is that there really is no such thing as “bad,” or “good,” but that our interpretation makes it so. It is key to remember that from the standpoint of our finite egos, we cannot see all ends, and have no idea how that flap of the proverbial butterfly wings in China create the gale in New York. I choose to believe that there is a much greater good at work in the circumstance of your niece (and any other negative situation), which can only be revealed through time and experience. Perhaps, due to her current suffering, she will grow up to be a great medical doctor who will find the key to preventing this for future families, or perhaps your brother and sister’s strength will be an inspiration to another who would have given up… we just can’t know… only have faith! Thank you so very much for your love and support, and I see many wonderful, “dangerously european” conversations in our future! 😀


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