One of my friends on Twitter posted this link, and it made my blood boil.  It’s a sexist rejection letter from Disney studios, from 1938.  I know, I know… I shouldn’t let a 70-year-old piece of nonsense get my panties in a twist, but it did.  You wanna know what really put me over the edge?  It was written by A WOMAN!!  Wowza.  As my friend so aptly stated, yay for progress! … but I’m still irritated.  Maybe it’s the Snow White themed paper that makes me just want to punch someone.  “I’m sorry we can’t hire you, what with you being a woman and all, but here are some nice birds you can sing to.”  Ok, I think I’m fine.  Maybe.  Leave me your comments when you’re done steaming!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/polaroid/632255233/sizes/o/

Hey everybody!  I’d absolutely LOVE to get your input on this new project that my friend Lisa is working on!  Watch this video to hear about my experience (it’s only 7 minutes long), and find out what my words are.  When you’re finished, leave a comment to tell us what YOUR word is, and why!  (Don’t think too hard about this – it’s probably the first one that come to mind.)  Lisa is going to be putting together a new website (visit her now at http://www.sunfusion.biz), and she’ll be incorporating people’s stories with her products!  I think this is so fascinating, and I can’t wait to hear from you!

Please take a minute to share YOUR word(s) in the comments!

 We all have people with whom we interact that we find to be, well, difficult.  Their sky is always falling, they incite gossip wars, tattle on others, are intolerant of everyone’s weaknesses but their own, and are just plain whiny.  You started your day pumped up and in a great mood, but within five minutes (or less) they’ve sucked your energy drier than Death Valley.  You look at your watch.  Is the day over yet?  Nope… 7 hours and 55 minutes to go.  Ouch.  This is especially difficult if you work in an intimate environment where you must interact daily and can’t possibly avoid them.  Worse, it may be someone you really like on a personal level.  So what do you DO?

1.       Before you can change how you interact, you must change how you react.  Take a good look at yourself in these situations.  How are you contributing to the problem?  Does this person see you a willing outlet for their woe?  Do you smile, nod, or even verbally indicate agreement?  Stop doing that!  You are actively inviting their negativity into your space!  Don’t encourage them.  Respond to their negativity with as much positivity as you can muster.  This will generally either show them that you are not playing for Team Whiny, or frustrate them into keeping it to themselves.  Interestingly, many negative people don’t even realize what they are doing.  They just see commiserating as a form of bonding.  By responding positively, you may just show them that there is another option.

2.       Seek the source of the negativity.  What is causing their pain?  What are they looking for?  Is there some positive way you can help?  Negative people are frequently attention starved on some level, so they attempt to draw it through sympathy.  Try giving them attention in a different way.  If the individual is a friend, greet them with a big hug, and ask them to share something about themselves that is non-negative – ask about the book they’re reading, or what their kids are doing in school.  If it’s a coworker or more formal relationship, try giving sincere compliments to demonstrate their value – it could be on their clothing, their smile, or their accomplishments.  They will likely blow this off, but repetition breed familiarity and comfort, so keep at it – it’s a worthwhile endeavor.

3.       If you feel confronting them is appropriate, adhere to the following guidelines:

a.       Address the behavior, NOT the person:  “Your negativity about this project is really pulling me down,” as opposed to “You’re so negative and you pull me down!”
b.       Cite specific examples.  “I don’t like your negativity,” will certainly not be effective, especially since they probably don’t even think of themselves as negative.  “It really bothers me when you complain    about Mary like that,” shows them exactly what the issue is.
c.       Don’t expect them to be a mind reader – be prepared to spell out what you’d like to see change.  “I would prefer you not talk to me about others behind their backs.”
d.       Request immediate feedback.  You’ve had your chance, now let them respond, and DON’T interrupt.  Their feelings are every bit as valid as your own.

4.       If you must listen to them, for whatever reason, take internal action to combat the effects of their negativity.

a.       Recognize that there is no such thing as “out there,” so this individual’s negativity is in some way a manifestation of your own feelings. 
b.       Open yourself up.  What do you have to learn from this?
c.       As they are talking, create a filter in your mind.  Ho’oponopono is an excellent technique for this (I love you, I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you.), or keep repeating silently “I love you, and I am OK.”
d.       Try Stacy’s recommendation below for letting love work its magic.  There is no stronger force!

•  @stacyreck says:  Imagine a “Pink Box of Love.” Visually put the negative person in the box & allow the forces-that-be to send them love.
• @leifhansen says: 1. Listen deep to whats behind the negativity (needs/pain). 2. Share vulnerably how it effects you. 3. Talk to supervisor.   

http://www.thegoddesswithinmovie.com 

Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com.averagegoddess 

Wishing you a passionate, prosperous, and powerful day! 

Kristy Nichols 

a.k.a. The Average Goddess

Hello all!  Those of you who are subscribers to the Secrets of the Sisterhood ezine already know about the new weekly feature, called “A Goddess Speaks.”  Each week I’ll be asking a question that YOU, my divine readers, have requested.  To find out the question of the week, subscribe to Secrets of the Sisterhood at:

http://www.averagegoddess-freebook.com/newslettersignup.htm

Then either email or Tweet me your response!  Good answers will be posted in the following week’s blog (see Meal Planning for an example), and the best will be featured in that issue of the ezine.  Please include your real name, and whatever links you’d like to direct people to (as long as they are legal and appropriate… I’ll be checking first).  If I have individuals who are repeatedly exceptionally helpful and insightful, I would like to consider inviting guest authors to appear in the ezine!  If you have a question you’d like to ask, please email or Tweet that as well. 

Wishing you a passionate, prosperous, and powerful day!
Kristy Nichols
a.k.a. The Average Goddess

Claim your free copy of How To Be An Average Goddess at http://www.averagegoddess-freebook.com, and get a complimentary subscription to the Secrets of the Sisterhood ezine as my gift to you!

Follow Kristy on Twitter at http://twitter.com/averagegoddess

I just started reading The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida.  I’m only on page 14, and it’s awesome.  In fact, it’s so good that I had to share this quote with you now, rather than wait till I’m finished to include it in a newsletter.  This book was written to be directed at men, or more correctly, anyone with a “masculine essence,” but this priceless gem applies to everyone equally, so just go ahead and insert YOURSELF anywhere it says “he,” or “men” or whatever (unless you ARE a “he,” or “men,” or whatever).  Check it out:

Most men make the error of thinking that one day it will be done.  They think, “If I can work enough, then one day I could rest.”  Or, “One day my woman will understand something and then she will stop complaining.”  Or, “I’m only doing this now so that one day I can do what I really want with my life.”  The masculine error is to think that eventually things will be different in some fundamental way.  They won’t.  It never ends.  As long as life continues, the creative challenge is to tussle, play, and make love with the present moment while giving your unique gift.

It’s never going to be over, so stop waiting for the good stuff.  As of now, spend a minimum of one hour a day doing whatever you are waiting to do until your finances are more secure, or until the children have grown and left home, or until you have finished your obligations and you feel free to do what you really want to do.  Don’t wait any longer.  Don’t believe in the myth of “one day when everything will be different.”  Do what you love to do, what you are waiting to do, what you’ve been born to do, now. 

Spend at least one hour a day doing whatever you simply love to do – what you deeply feel you need to do, in your heart – in spite of the daily duties that seem to constrain you.  However, be forewarned:  you may discover that you don’t, or can’t do it;  that in fact, your fantasy of your future life is simply a fantasy. 

Most postponements are excuses for a lack of creative discipline.  Limited money and family obligations have never stopped a man who really wanted to do something, although they provide excuses for a man who is not really up to the creative challenge in the first place.  Find out today whether you are willing to do what it takes to give your gift fully.  As a first step, spend at least an hour today giving your fullest gift, whatever that is for today, so that when you go to sleep at night you know you couldn’t have lived your day with more courage, creativity, and giving.

WOW!!!

Get the tips, tools, and resources to live an empowered life in the free newsletter Secrets of the Sisterhood of Average Goddesses by clicking HERE, and receive the book How To Be An Average Goddess as my gift to you!

Yes, as I continue my technological dash forward, you can now find Kristy on Twitter!  Come see what I’m up to at http://twitter.com/averagegoddess

Have a passionate, prosperous, and powerful day!
Kristy
a.k.a.  The Average Goddess

www.averagegoddess-freebook.com

This is it! - Average Goddess, meet THE WORLD.  *trumpets!*  *fan-fare!*  *Wahoo!*

As you probably know, my free ebook, How To Be An Average Goddess, was finished a couple of weeks ago.  Since then, I’ve been striving to find just the right way to bring it to you, and how to bundle it with other things you might find equally wonderful and useful.  Ulterior motives?  Of course!  I want you to fall madly in love with all things Average Goddess.  I want to build an entire alliance of Average Goddesses across the globe – a pageant of motivated and goal-oriented women who are NOT afraid of their own strength and success!  I want to provide you with every tool you need to take that journey, and to become that woman… to find the goddess that lives in every single one of us.  I want to over-deliver on all of your expectations.  I want to show you that eating healthy is NOT a monumental task, that fitness does NOT have to be an elusive concept forever just out of reach, that success IS garnered one achievable step at a time, that family and friends CAN be the most rewarding facet of your life instead of the most taxing, and that the universe IS conspiring at every moment to bring you the life of your dreams!

What you get right this second is a FREE newsletter that’s packed with articles, tips, products, and inspiration to get you started.  Join me now and grab your newsletter, Secrets of the Sisterhood, and the book How To Be An Average Goddess, hits your inbox Saturday morning (assuming technology performs as it should!!).  And of course, you still get all of the regular articles here at Divine Musings, as the world continues to spice up my life with things I feel MUST be discussed!  What you can look forward to in the future is a whole series of books, cds, interviews, videos, and an entire website devoted to nothing but helping you achieve your dreams! 

Ready?  Then get your goddess on!  Just click the link below to be a part of this revolutionary community… filled with goddesses just like YOU!

http://www.averagegoddess-freebook.com/index.htm

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Not too long ago, I brought home a couple of thick, tender steaks that had been calling me from the grocery shelf.  (And FYI, I now always try to buy meats with the EPA’s new humane certification labels.)  Having been very much looking forward to them all week, I was a tad disappointed when my beloved husband (who is an excellent cook) handed me a little piece of leather off the grill.  We’re pretty (gently) honest with each other about our cooking, and when he commented that he knew he should have pulled the steaks off sooner, but got distracted by the potatoes, I said, “Yeah, ya should’ve.”  To which he responded, “Humph.  I’ve never seen YOU cook steak!”  Behold!  The gauntlet – here at my feet!  Well, can’t just leave it there, right?  So I picked it up… he just didn’t know it. 

I’m at the grocery store again yesterday, and there they are… two thick, lovely slabs of tenderloin… mmmmm…  Into the cart with you, my dazzling juicy friends – thy death shall NOT have been in vain… Together, we shall prove A POINT!!  See, here’s the thing:  my husband is a “wing it,” type of guy.  I am a “plan-it-to-the-eyeballs” type of girl.  When it comes to cooking, he has a couple of absolutely homerun recipes, and he gets really irritated when I won’t let him experiment with them.  My view is, if it’s perfect, LEAVE IT ALONE!  Wanna guess what happens when he messes with it?  Yeah, less good.  He also has this tendency to find great recipes in magazines, and then forget what magazine they’re in, but still want to make the dish.  So what does he do?  He wings it.  Sometimes that’s ok… sometimes not so much.  I give him kudos for cooking cojones, but to me, the point is to have something yummy at the end.  I am NOT a chef, and I’m not in this for artistic expression, sorry.  When I find a recipe, I rip it out, or tag it and write it down.  Then I follow it, to the letter.  Here’s my philosophy:  This person has already spent a great deal of time perfecting this dish, and it was probably tested by the food editor before publishing.  Let’s try it THEIR way first, and if I don’t like it, THEN I can make changes.  How do you know what to change if you’ve never tasted it??  Alternatively, if I’m going to cook something I have no idea how to handle, you all know me well enough by now to know what I’m gonna do… (Thank you AGAIN Dane Cook.)  I’m gonna Google that sh*t.  Here’s how I learned to cook a steak, in about five minutes.

Ian got home from work, sees the steaks on the counter and says, “You’re cooking STEAK??  Moving in on my turf, huh?”  I just smiled.  He then starts hovering nervously, as he notices they are buck naked on the plate.  (So cute!  I love this guy.)  I tell him to get out of my space and go take a shower.  As he heads off, he says, “I’m just sayin’, the longer they marinate, the better the flavor is.”  To which I replied, “Thanks hon.  They’re not getting marinated,” and I shoved him out the door before his eyes could pop out of his head.  A little oil, pepper, garlic powder, rosemary, and piping hot skillet later, I have two lovely, crusty, near edible slabs.  Into the oven with them!  A little bleu cheese, some capers, and VOILA!  Perfection… on my first try.  Oh, they were juicy.  Oh, they were tender!  Oh, they were seared on the outside, pink on the inside…  yum yum yum yum yum yum YUM!  WIN!

So is there a moral to this story, or did I just want to brag about my steak cooking prowess?  Both, actually.  Having bragged sufficiently, I shall share the moral.  There are a million things in this world that you don’t know how to do, but that’s a ridiculous reason to not attempt them.  Depending on your personality, you can do things my husband’s way, and leap in face first (!), or you can recognize that there are lots of people out there who DO know how to do those things… possibly very well.  With the infinity of the ‘net at your fingertips, you can get expert advice without leaving your sofa.  So wikihow, askhow, or google “how,” then go DO it.  Your success might surprise you… and everyone else!

All my love, Kristy

P.S.  I conceded that he is still the grill master… mostly because I have no interest in grilling… yet.

P.P.S.  Wine for the night (duh) was Cellar No. 8 Red Zinfandel.  Holy moses.  I don’t actually like the flavor quite as much as I enjoy the cabernet (one of our mostest favorites), but dear HaySOOS it goes RIGHT to your head.  I’m actually drinking a glass now, and it’s already impairing my typing… what kind of crazy grapes are these??!?  Generally speaking, Cellar No. 8 provides perfect proof that a wine doesn’t have to be expensive to be exquisite.  I challenge you to serve the cab or merlot to your snobbiest wine snob friends.  Phenomenal.

Get your FREE copy of the little ebook

that’s already changing lives!

How To Be An Average Goddess

100+ Secrets of Smart, Savvy, Sexy Women,

Blazing a Path Through Life!

www.averagegoddess-freebook.com

Get your FREE copy of the little ebook

that’s already changing lives!

How To Be An Average Goddess

100+ Secrets of Smart, Savvy, Sexy Women,

Blazing a Path Through Life!

www.averagegoddess-freebook.com

You probably already know that Sunday night is pizza night, and that this is 526% non-negotiable.  This was the law even when I was in my “crazy person” stage of fitness and weight loss.  What can I say?  I loves the pizza.  But last night we didn’t have the pizza.  WHAT??!?  It’s ok, calm down… I haven’t been abducted by aliens.  We simply had pizza on FRIDAY, to celebrate the fact that my book (How To Be An Average Goddess) was finished, edited, and had finally been sent out for reviews.  (That, and I totally didn’t feel like cooking.)  So here we were on Sunday, and not to say I couldn’t have had pizza again (I could have it every day for probably months before becoming the slightest bit fatigued), but I wanted to try a new recipe… and I was overdue for that whole “talking to my husband” thing I mentioned in a previous blog.

So yesterday morning I settled on Maple Pecan Chicken… Mmmm… sounds good, huh?  Yeah.  It really was very tasty, although much more mild than anticipated.  I was a bit nervous about it, since of the 30+ reviews the recipe had, about half reported the chicken coming out dry (half that it was juicy and tender), half that the crumb topping was soggy (half that it was delightfully crispy), and half that it was almost sickeningly sweet (half that it was a fresh, unexpected flavor for everyday chicken).  It was gonna be a crap shoot!  Well, without realizing it, I made twice as much chicken, and discovered after returning from the grocery store for the bread crumbs (the day before Labor Day!!), that I only had about two drops of syrup left in the bottle in the cabinet.  Arg.  Well, I had as exactly as much as the recipe called for, so I ran with it.  As I said, due to my blunder with the quantity of chicken, the flavor was unexpectedly mild, but I could see where it would be delicious on one pound instead of almost two.  (The chicken also came out perfectly tender, with a wonderful crisp crust, so I don’t know WHAT those other folks were doing!)  We would have liked a bit more syrup to drizzle over the top, and I couldn’t help feeling like the flavor would have been amazing with a bit of a spicy counterpoint, so I’m going to experiment a bit and give it another go.  I think this is one you can expect to find in the forthcoming “Average Goddess’s Guide to Getting Cooking.”  We paired the chicken with some wild rice with wild mushroom seasoning, which was uber yum.  (That’s a techincal cooking term.) 

Wine for last night (of COURSE there was wine) was another of our favorites, which I highly recommend.  It’s a red zinfandel called Seven Deadly Zins, which played a very prominent role in last year’s Halloween celebration of the Seven Deadly Sins at the Nichols’ residence, and is always a hit at dinner parties, or as a gift.  It’s an absolute pleasure every single time we open a bottle – rich, deep, plenty of spice, and lots of thick berry… but not sweet – “heady” is a good word for it.  I really wanted to share with you the poem from the back label of the bottle, because I think it’s just darling – not Shakespeare mind you, but wonderful none the less.  It’s written by Kevin Phillips, who I believe is one of the brothers responsible for creating the wine:

I’m raging with ire, an ocean of fire,
My wrath is the path to all I desire.
Oh Lord, forgive me my Zins.
I’m inflated with pride, near-bursting inside,
a self-centered repenter, Vanity’s bride.
Oh Lord, forgive me my Zins.
I’m mired in mud, inert as a slug,
Sloth is the cloth that’s woven my rug.
Oh Lord, forgive me my Zins.
I eat day and night, consuming all in my sight,
A glutton with nothing but a huge appetite.
Oh Lord, forgive me my Zins.
My will I ignore, my Envy’s a chore,
Over-zealous and jealous, I want so much more.
Oh Lord, forgive me my Zins.
I’m ravenous to feast, an insatiable beast,
I concede to the Greed demanding release.
Oh Lord, forgive me my Zins.
I hunger for trust, my craving’s a must,
My sin is the Zin enslaving my Lust.
Oh Lord, forgive me my Zins.

Pretty clever for a wine bottle, no?

So anyway, we enjoyed a nice meal, over which we conversed about my book, particularly some of the ridiculously simple things we can add to our lifestyle to help the environent, then we talked about his teaching Tae Kwon Do and in what ways he might like to pursue that course in the future, then we talked about cats, then we talked about finances (not in the bad way).  All told, I think we talked for a good two hours, even after the meal was finished.  Now I know this may not seem like much to some, but you must understand, my husband is NOT a talker (which is fine, cuz I totally am, and dear heavens – the thought of a house with two of me… yipes!), so a two hour+ conversation is like a marathon for him.  (He kept up admirably.)  For those of you who just don’t generally make the time for these activities, I can’t recommend it enough.  After all, what did you marry him for if you aren’t the least bit curious about what’s going on in his head?  (Messy though it probably is.)  Having been together since our early 20s, as we come up on our nine year anniversary (!), I not only find these conversations to be fascinating glimpses of who we’ve become as adults, but also frequently illuminating as to how far we still have to go!  Not that we’re in any hurry… 

I’m curious – what do you discuss with your significant other?

All my love, 
Kristy

Get your FREE copy of the little ebook

that’s already changing lives!

 

How To Be An Average Goddess

100+ Secrets of Smart, Savvy, Sexy Women,

Blazing a Path Through Life!

 

www.averagegoddess-freebook.com

*Adapted from the upcoming FREE e-book: 

How To Be An Average Goddess

100+ Secrets of Smart, Savvy, Sexy Women – Blazing a Path Through Life!

Listen to me ladies.  Seriously – pay attention:  what I’m about to say is probably going to piss some of you off.  I’m sorry.  No, wait, I’m not.  The ones who are going to be annoyed with me?  YOU are the ones who need to hear this.

It is time for you to come to terms with the fact that your appearance is important.  I might go so far as to call it critical.  I’m not talking about societal standards, magazine airbrushing, or mandatory anorexia.  I’m talking about recognizing, and displaying with pride the value of YOU.  You see, women have a unique weapon in this jungle of survival of the fittest, and it’s one that men can’t ever touch.  It’s our femininity – our priceless ability to be both soft and hard, mother and warrior, alluring and powerful.  Reality check:  you CANNOT represent any of these ideals effectively by schlepping around in frumpy clothing, a pair of Crocs (oh dear god save me), and that hack-job hair cut you gave yourself last night.  NOT.  GONNA.  HAPPEN.  And don’t think that just because no one is actively making an issue of these things, it’s not affecting you.

How do you feel when you look your best?  You stand a little taller, there’s more purpose in your step, and more confidence in your voice.  You look people in the eye.  You handle situations more smoothly.  What message do all of these actions broadcast?  “This woman is a force to be reckoned with.” 

Let’s compare that to this scenario:  You haven’t been in a hair salon in ten years. Your clothes fall into one (or more) of the following categories: 1) the majority of the contents of your closet have been there since your kids were in elementary school… and they’re now entering college,  2) are dangerously tight because you are in patent denial about going up a size, or 3) are shapeless, colorless, and devoid of style because you hate shopping.  And makeup – please!  Who has the time?!  What image do you suppose this presents to the world?  At best, laziness and indifference.  “This woman does not care about herself, and has no clue how to put herself together.”  At worst, it could be perceived as ineptitude.  “If this individual can’t even see her way to putting an appropriate outfit together, why would I entrust her with ________________” (fill in with a position, a promotion, a big project, etc.). 

To which individual are you more attracted?  This has nothing to do with vanity, ladies, this is self-respect, and that has a beauty that transcends age, pants size, chest size, hair color, and body shape.  You ABSOLUTELY deserve to have current clothing, a professional haircut, and glowing skin, hair, and nails.  You’re worth it.  That’s the truth.  Now go do it.

All my love, Kristy

*Adapted from the upcoming FREE e-book: 

How To Be An Average Goddess

100+ Secrets of Smart, Savvy, Sexy Women – Blazing a Path Through Life!